riverScrap

RBS shares rally as 'some black guy' gets top job

FAKE NEWS Shares in the Royal Bank of Scotland (RBS) rebounded spectacularly today after the company appointed some black guy as its new commander in chief.

Despite teetering on the brink of collapse following yesterday's dramatic slump, shareholders insist a new era of hope and prosperity has been ushered in by the historic appointment.

Throngs of apologetic white guys lined the City of London - many visibly moved as they held placards bearing the slogan "Change has come to RBS" - while some black guy was solemnly sworn into office.

Londoners offer radical solution to MidEast crisis

FAKE NEWS The people of London are to be relocated to Greater Israel as part of a radical state-swapping initiative intended to solve the Middle East crisis once and for all.

London mayor Boris Johnson announced the unusual measure today, confirming that all residents of the capital are to exchange places with the Holy Land's seven million Israelis and 3.5 million Palestinians.

While the move will dramatically alter the face of Israel Proper, Mr Johnson insisted it would have little impact on London's demographic make-up, noting: "Our city's been full of rich Jews and pissed-off Arabs for years."

Jesse Jackson moves to ban the word 'snigger'

FAKE NEWS The Reverend Jesse Jackson has launched a crusade against the word 'snigger', several fake news agencies are reporting.

Meaning 'to laugh under one's breath', the verb is typically linked to dated British comic book characters and had little popular appeal prior to the Rev Jackson's intervention.

Outlining a new offensive against the word at a sermon in Baltimore, the civil rights leader boomed: "Sniggering is no laughing matter."

Report: Majority of bloggers clueless

FAKE NEWS The majority of people starting up a blog have absolutely no idea how to use the content management systems that allow them to update their site, a fake new study has found.

While budding journalists often dream of kick-starting their career and establishing a name for themselves in the blogosphere, new research shows that computer illiteracy is holding many back.

Difficulties in personalising the layout and general appearance of their site plague many would-be bloggers, while others struggle to get to grips with their archives and categories sections.